it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
