Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize
