They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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