We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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