her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
