I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
