420 ftw
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
