In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
