I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
