You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Is Oprah even human
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
