Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
