HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Did I show you my penis last night?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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