fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
