White coat. Heels.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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