Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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