Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
