Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
