i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
