i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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