I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
