I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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