It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
My feet surprised me
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