So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
