I hate your face
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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