Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
