I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
