Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
