ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I need water and some morals
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
