I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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