so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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