well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
