Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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