I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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