fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
