I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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