I want to make a zoo with you.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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