After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
