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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day

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• (702): View more from Nevada

  Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride

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• (573): View more from Missouri

  Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.

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• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol

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• (517): View more from Michigan

  Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.

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• (512): View more from Texas

  He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.

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• (208): View more from Idaho

  Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.

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• (586): View more from Michigan

  I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.

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• (256): View more from Alabama

  I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life

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• (252): View more from North Carolina

  Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk

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• (940): View more from Texas

  I gave him a BJ in the shower

  (940): View more from Texas

  I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there

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