I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
