My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I queefed so loud it echoed.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
