So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
