There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
