I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
