i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Randomize
