then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
In other news, I just burned my penis
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
