So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
