I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
