I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
