Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
my liver is dry heaving
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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