put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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